Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Living With "It's Not Fair"

"Mom, there are only five marshmellows in my cup.
Levi has six.

It's not fair."

"Yes, you are right.  Hmmm..."


This is met by a face that frowns,
then I feel like a mean mom.

But sometimes it's hard to be a mom.
I sometimes tire of
"It's not fair."

"If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God,
that giveth to all men liberally,
and upbraideth not;
and it shall be given him."
James 1:5

Mothering requires a lot of wisdom,
wisdom that I often feel I don't have.

I have to ask God for wisdom



Geese have been honking overhead the last few days,
and life has returned to our pond.

I love signs of spring.

The warmth has beckoned us outdoors to see if we can smell spring
in the mud
and sunshine rays.

There has been damage by the wind.
A favorite tree that was split down the middle gave way.
It finally succumbed to the force of the winds
that have been blowing winter a gusty farewell party,
or at least,
leading us to believe so.

Violet has enjoyed the last days of climbing that tree,
although at a different angle now.

She does not adapt to change very easily
and cries over fallen trees,
until she gets to play in them.

I can understand.
I don't like to see our lovely trees damaged either.
I don't much like things that I love to change.

I have to fight the
"it's not fair" mentality often myself.

I like having more marshmellows in my cup.

But I know that contentment is better than worrying about what the next guy has.

Learning to be happy with a few marshmellows is so much better than having just one marshmellow
or none at all.

Learning to appreciate and rejoice in someone else's good is an important lesson,
and sometimes I wonder if it's my job to help my children learn this.

Will it make it easier for them?
Or should a mother love a child and let them learn the hard way,
as an adult when the world will not give them everything
so that it will be "fair."

Are they looking in the right direction by wanting "fair" in a world of diversity,
a world of frustration and fluctuation,

a world of lessons that are best conquered by embracing contentment.

Maybe it is my job to ease them into a life that isn't going to be what they think is "fair."


I do it sometimes:
I'm mean to my own child,
hoping she will learn a lesson about fairness,

Are there life lessons in a cup of marshmellows
waiting for hot chocolate to melt them away
after a day of looking for spring in the brisk outdoors?

But then sometime
during the day,
when her attitude is good
and I hear her singing again,
I find a way to do this...

because I am still a mom.

Raising Homemakers


  1. I absolutely love this post!!!!! Wow!

  2. Life is not fair, and you have coincidentally touched upon some of the sentiments in my own post today.

    Great stuff here, and the ending is delightful.


  3. Thank you for this post. It's not fair is an absolute pet peeve of mine. When my kids say this it's like nails on the chalkboard. It's nice to hear that I'm not the only mom who struggles with how to teach the importance of dealing with this challenge in life.

  4. Our pastor preached a whole sermon about how his two kids were eating ice cream and one child made the "he has more than me, it's not fair" comment. He talked about how the child would have been completly content had he not looked in the other person's bowl and how often times as Christians we take what God has given us but we look at someone else's life and in our heart we say, "it's not fair." "look into your own bowl" is a popular saying in our house now!

  5. Tonya, not to worry, your Mom has set a good example of being a wonderful Mom. look how you and Tammy turned out!!!!

  6. Thanks everyone! Elizabeth, I love the "look into your own bowl" phrase. That's great! :)
    Thanks, Mrs. M. You always say the sweetest things! :)

  7. Hello love,

    I wanted to pass by and tell you I mentioned you in today's post over at FAR. I just thought your post on Trash Treasures was so very neat. It's always a way to say thank you for linking up to Domestically Divine and letting us find you.

    God bless,


  8. Hi Farmer's Wyfe,

    Thank you for sharing a warm lesson on embracing contentment. There is truth in a cup of hot chocolate and marshmellows.

    Blessings and peace.


  9. I love the idea of lifes lessons being in the marshmellows. Great post and beautiful pictures of such rosey happy children.

  10. What a great post today, it's hard being a parent. I always tried to protect my children and not wanting them to get their feelings hurt, in the long run I was hurting them by doing just that.
    God Bless,

  11. Fantastic post!!!!
    Smiles, Cassidy

  12. this made me smile b/c I've heard the same from my guys.....and I try to always equalize everything...but...sometimes it just doesn't work out that way...your post...for me...being content with my world....and grateful...thanks.

  13. I learned a long time ago that life isn't fair. I think it is one of those things if you just accept it and concentrate of your blessings it won't matter whether it's fair or not. There is much to be learned from unfairness. Thank you for sharing this thoughtful post.

  14. Such a great post! I really like how you put everything together.

  15. Great post! I often heard this in the classroom and at home.Even as an adult I have to stop and count my blessings when I see things that are so unfair.
    Hang in there. It looks like you are doing a good job and your little ones are precious.

  16. Yes, life is not fair. But like your mother heart snuck marshmallows on a math book, I find blessings from God's heart in unexpected places.

    Such a wise, sweet mother you are!

  17. Wonderful, insightful post. This is a difficult topic. You have made us think.

  18. It is not easy being a mother. And just because we are Mom's we do not have all the wisdom we need to raise our children (who did not come with instructions!). Calling out to God for wisdom is the wise thing to do. And still at times, we wonder if we have made the right decision.

    But, as you so well noted, "Life is Not Fair." And this should be learned at home before they hit the big, world and are stunned by reality and filled with bitterness.

    Blessings on your hard work,


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