Top Ten Reasons Why You DON'T Want to Live Here.

1. We live on a Farm.

I think it may be a fly farm.

 2. Occasional bouts with Noise Pollution are problematic.

 3. Mini Spider Man wakes people with questions such as:

"Mommy, Where do flies live?

Do they live in dog houses?"

 4.  Cute cold-blooded creatures...

 deceptively win affection...

 but then grow into large cold-blooded creatures
which habitate in our pond
and are not considered worthy of affection

when confronted in the lawn

by the Mrs. of the house

(especially the long thin ones

with flicking tongues).

 5. Mini Spider Man has a very loud alarm clock

when his questions are not being answered.

 6.  Toes are neglected in this house.

Unpainted toe nails go unrecognized

until sitting in the pew at church

where toe-less shoes loudly proclaim their glaring deficiency,
embarrassing completely
the owner of their grubby state.

 7. A tiny ballerina runs about
thieving needed items

and calling any confiscated items with handles for carrying
(including old wooden barrels used for tea bag storage)

"pocketbook."

 8. Farm fields across the street are drenched with herbicides

(I hope our water filters are working well),

and then covered with chicken manure
in order to promote this year's new crop.

Look at the color of that field a couple days later,
and
 soak in that combination for a moment.

Yes,

Have I mentioned the flies yet, today?

 Beautiful.

(Soaked with sarcasm).

9.  Fly swatters live in abundant supply here...

and they aren't pretty.

Can somebody please invent a gem-studded fly swatter

in the budget of a cheapskate housewife...

please?

10. As if dead flies aren't enough,

the floor here is never clean.

Sand from sandboxes...

does not stay in sandboxes.

It doesn't matter how cute they are

or

 how innocent they look,

sand just doesn't seem to stay out of the house,

or their shoes,

or off the floors,

or in the diapers,

or everywhere else,

for that matter.

Please,

can anybody explain to me how it gets in bedsheets?

Because,

it does.

Ask me how I know?

I'm beginning to think that

 Mini Spider Man's evil clock must carry it in.

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A Southern Daydreamer: Outdoor-Wednesday 
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