Mockingbird

My feet hit the floor:

that bird.

He does it to me every morning when the window is open.

I am sure he sits above my window looking in at me

purposing to watch me stir from his songs.

Mockingbird.

I look out the window,

feeling a wave of doubt.

Why did I decide to homeschool?

Am I fitting her up to her full potential?

What is going to happen next year when he has to be schooled to?

What was I thinking?

 Inadequacy looks back at me as I scan the face in the mirror.

I don't think I was meant to home-school.

I don't feel like I am good enough,

organized enough,

smart enough.

He sings again.

I glance out the window but don't see him;

only sky

above the graceful limbs of the Mimosa tree.

 "Goodmorning, Father."

I don't always remember to pray when I wake up,

but an especially puffy cloud stirs the majestic realization of His presence.

"What do you want from me to today?

I don't feel adequate to mother these three children,

never mind teach them."

I still feel like a child myself at times...

so much to do in such a short amount of time.

Knowing where to start often perplexes me.

 As I slip into my chair on the porch,

coffee cup filled with it's welcoming brew,

I hear him again:

that bird.

Whose song has he stolen now?

I open my devotional book.

I know my day will be so much better if I start here.

I question again,
"What do you want?  Do you want me to spend more time preparing?

Do I need to employ more books, more outside reading?

Do I need to be involved with more social avenues for them to branch out?

Isn't the continued education of myself key to educating them?

I am listening, God.

What do you want from me to be better for them?"

 My book directs me to Job 28,

not a book I read too often from.

I read through and the verses seem to ask

the very questions my soul has asked:

 "But where shall wisdom be found?

and where is the place of understanding?

 Man knoweth not the price thereof;

neither is it found in the land of the living...

It cannot be gotten for gold, neither shall silver be weighed for the price thereof...

Whence then cometh wisdom?

and where is the place of understanding?...

God understandeth the way thereof,

and he knoweth the place thereof...

And unto man he said,

'Behold, the fear of the Lord,

that is wisdom;

and to depart from evil is understanding.'"

I am slightly startled by this response.

It isn't what I was expecting from my questioning prayer.

Such a simple response.

My children will receive their math problems

and grammar rules.

The spelling words march in endless rows.

Reading books with colorful front covers promise to make useful impressions.

My curriculum is sufficient and guides my way.

My confidence returns as I pick up the teacher guide and view our day,

one of the last for this year.

And as I piece together an art project that we had on the wall since the beginning of the year,

print out the theme verse,

paint the old frame,

and put it together for her bedroom,

I realize the most important thing she needs to learn:
how to get wisdom.

I pray that my insufficiency will be replaced

by His sufficiency,

as I glance into the tree...

with a wary touch of appreciation
 for the cheerfulness of the mockingbird.

Linking up to:

Womenlivingwell.org

Hiphomeschoolmoms.com

Wearethatfamily.com

Thethriftyhome.com
Lilluna.com 

Raisinghomemakers.com