Wednesday, June 6, 2012


My feet hit the floor:
that bird.
He does it to me every morning when the window is open.
I am sure he sits above my window looking in at me
purposing to watch me stir from his songs.


I look out the window,
feeling a wave of doubt.

Why did I decide to homeschool?
Am I fitting her up to her full potential?
What is going to happen next year when he has to be schooled to?

What was I thinking?

 Inadequacy looks back at me as I scan the face in the mirror.

I don't think I was meant to home-school.
I don't feel like I am good enough,
organized enough,
smart enough.

He sings again.

I glance out the window but don't see him;
only sky
above the graceful limbs of the Mimosa tree.

 "Goodmorning, Father."
I don't always remember to pray when I wake up,
but an especially puffy cloud stirs the majestic realization of His presence.

"What do you want from me to today?
I don't feel adequate to mother these three children,
never mind teach them."
I still feel like a child myself at times...
so much to do in such a short amount of time.

Knowing where to start often perplexes me.

 As I slip into my chair on the porch,
coffee cup filled with it's welcoming brew,
I hear him again:
that bird.
Whose song has he stolen now?

I open my devotional book.
I know my day will be so much better if I start here.

I question again,
"What do you want?  Do you want me to spend more time preparing?
Do I need to employ more books, more outside reading?
Do I need to be involved with more social avenues for them to branch out?
Isn't the continued education of myself key to educating them?
I am listening, God.

What do you want from me to be better for them?"

 My book directs me to Job 28,
not a book I read too often from.

I read through and the verses seem to ask
the very questions my soul has asked:

 "But where shall wisdom be found?
and where is the place of understanding?

 Man knoweth not the price thereof;
neither is it found in the land of the living...

It cannot be gotten for gold, neither shall silver be weighed for the price thereof...

Whence then cometh wisdom?
and where is the place of understanding?...

God understandeth the way thereof,
and he knoweth the place thereof...

And unto man he said,
'Behold, the fear of the Lord,
that is wisdom;
and to depart from evil is understanding.'"

I am slightly startled by this response.
It isn't what I was expecting from my questioning prayer.

Such a simple response.

My children will receive their math problems
and grammar rules.
The spelling words march in endless rows.
Reading books with colorful front covers promise to make useful impressions.

My curriculum is sufficient and guides my way.

My confidence returns as I pick up the teacher guide and view our day,
one of the last for this year.

And as I piece together an art project that we had on the wall since the beginning of the year,
print out the theme verse,
paint the old frame,
and put it together for her bedroom,

I realize the most important thing she needs to learn:
how to get wisdom.

I pray that my insufficiency will be replaced
by His sufficiency,
as I glance into the tree...

with a wary touch of appreciation
 for the cheerfulness of the mockingbird.

Linking up to:


  1. What a lovely way to end my day, reading this. Thank you.

  2. Your children are blessed to have you for a have a heart for God and that is what they need! You teach them in your day to day life experiences. Thanks for sharing your heart today. I always leave here with something I need. I love the new picture!

  3. I'm sure they are flourishing in your home. Who wouldn't be?


  4. I Think this is what every homeschool mom feels; I know I do. Thanks for the encouragement.

  5. I feel like that so many mornings! Some days it creeps in more than others, but then you get the good days where you realize nobody could teach your children as well and as much as you can and that you wouldn't trade it for anything. People I graduated with are starting to complain about their kids being home for summer vacation and how it's driving them nuts after only a week or two and they can't wait until school starts again. I couldn't imagine my kids being gone eight hours a day, five days a week and then complaining when I *do* get to have them home with me! Home-schooling is such a gift! :)

  6. Ah! Having home schooled my now, grown children. I look back at what they've become and are still becoming as young adults and parents (some)... I wonder, did I do a well enough job? Did I train them properly?
    There, that is the question. I used to ask, how can the LORD make a promise to me, that if I ...train them in the way they should go, that when they grow old, they will not depart from it? How dare He even make that promise? Then I realize... I don't understand what it means "to train"; at that moment, I'm fearful. They are grown. Now what?
    He reminds just as you stated above...
    Where MY sin did abound (in all my parenting years) His grace is sufficient (in their adult years) ...
    Then I can rest in His promises.
    Thank you for sharing your morning and your heart-- though I no longer am 'officially' home schooling; I have grand children everyday--I want to impress His Grace and Mercy into their lives, as well. Your post reminds me of that.


  7. Well done good and faithful mommy.....keep listening, He is homeschooling you, too. You are in my prayers...Mary


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