Tuesday, February 22, 2011

The Nanny Story: Trouble with Dating.

(To read Part 1, click <HERE>)

(Part 2)

To my daughter Violet,
Your father wrote to me after that first Sunday that I saw him at the new church Aunt Tammy was attending.  He wrote and asked me out on a date; but I think I need to explain something to you.  Something that made my mindset the way it was at this point.

"The Trouble with Dating."

There's just two words for first dates and the current idea of dating:

it stinks.

Going on a date with somebody you don't know is rather like entering a movie theater without knowing what it is playing:

1) It could be funny; perhaps annoying, but funny, nonetheless.

2) It could be a horrible horror flick.

3) It could bore you to tears.

4) It could be a sweet tale.

I seemed to experience mostly #1 - #3, although they could also be a mixture of any combination of those.  There were a few #4.  But first impressions aren't always what they appear to be.

I was careful who I dated: only seeing men who claimed to be Christian and usually I met them at college or at church.  But even still, it's awkward, strange, unnatural.  

  I grew up at a camp where a core group of us that worked nearly every weekend all hung around together; thankfully, none of us were into "dating".  We were all friends.  It was the best way for a teenager to grow up and I feel like I had the best life one could have.  Who your friends are during the teenage years is incredibly important; I feel like I had the best.
  I waited until college to begin dating, as my parents had suggested; I'd be entering the point in life where one begins to look for a spouse, so it seemed logical to wait until then.
At and after college, I did go on dates.

It was the most nerve-wracking time of my life.

(I am omitting names, of course, to protect the innocent).

1. Mr. Counsel-Me Man:
  I met a guy who wanted to date me.  He expounded to me all about his emotional issues and battles with depressive acting out.  I realize that people face issues and overcome problems, especially with God's help, but I have to admit that it scared me, just a little.  It was too much for me to handle.

2. Mr. Incredible (incredibly handsome, incredibly conceited)
(I seemed to go on first dates with a number of this type):
 One of these individuals arrived at my house with a bouquet of flowers which were promptly put into a vase.  As we headed out to supper, he opened the car door for me with his nervous giggle.  Upon entering his side of the car and turning the key to start the car, he looked over at me and said, "Well, I sure know how to impress your parents, now don't I?"  I furrowed my eyebrows as I looked out my window and wondered how I would endure this night. The date progressed in similar manner: over our dinner, he droned on about how wonderful he was, all of his marvelous escapades with never a question or interest in me, and I put on fake smiles while I mentally begged the waiter to bring us our bill.  The night seemed eternal.  When we got back to my house, my mother was sitting at the card table working on a puzzle and my father proceeded to enter into extended discourse with the lad.  I escaped to the puzzle table, only to be followed by my foe, and then was startled to hear him mention another future date with me.  I wanted to crawl under the table.

3. Mr. Different Beliefs:
 I went out with a fellow who was a very sweet guy, but his beliefs, although Christian, were far different than mine.  I felt trapped in a desire to pursue a relationship but knew that those differences were too much to over-look.  What would we teach our children?  I knew that I could not move over to his beliefs, and it was obvious that he was too committed to his own.

4. Mr. Living-in-Fairyland:
 I saw another chap for a while, but when questioned about his future, he'd ramble on about going mountain climbing, skiing on mountains in Europe, and adventuring to unknown places in a hot air balloon.  He'd travel the world and write about it.  It was a fun thought, but I just couldn't find the love I needed for a man I didn't feel was being realistic. Granted, there are women who are great for this type of man, but I knew myself and that I needed stability.

Yes, dating isn't what it's all cracked up to be.  

So this was my mindset when my Farmer asked me out on a date.  I was tired of the "first date out alone" thing. 

What was I too do?

My sister, knowing my state of mind and being a wonderful match-making help, agreed to invite us both over for our first date.

I was sitting in the living room with my sister playing a game of checkers to pass the time when I heard him at the door.  He stepped inside.  I heard his voice say, "Hello," and our eyes met for the first time.

I was nervous and it was a hot day in early September.  I remember worrying that my face was too red.  (I always turn red when I get embarrassed.)  There was a game of checkers, and then supper, and then a walk around the park.  We talked some.  It was casual.  He asked if I was going to work for his sister, and I said I thought I would.  He seemed glad.  He was not loud or annoying.  He was sweet and kind.
  Then it looked like a storm was coming up, so we walked back to the house.  He had to go.  I knew I wouldn't see him for a while because we had a two week vacation up north coming up.  I wondered what he thought.  But I didn't know.  His eyes smiled at me, and mine at him, but I just didn't know.

Everyone said it was so right for us.  We were great for each other.  But it was early.  And I didn't know what to think or feel.  I wondered if he felt the same way.  I would have to wait and see.

(To be continued)

(Some of these pictures are Disney pictures taken from a fun book of theirs called The Human Body.  My kids love it and it is very educational. It has a skeletal/muscle body on the front with light-up buttons to make it interactive.  Great book!)


  1. I am loving reading your love story, Tonya! Much wisdom in it as well. We hope to teach our daughter much the way your parents taught you. Hold off dating until college. So much wisdom.
    Anyway...you have me in suspense! ;0) Love it!
    Thanks for sharing!

  2. Thank you for sharing so honestly your love story. I can't wait to see how it all worked out.

  3. You were nominated for the Stylish Blog Award by Melanie at Creative Art & Design. If you'd like to play along all you have to do is go to my blog post and follow the rules!!

  4. This love story of yours is a charming one, and I can't wait to read on!


  5. Farmer's Wyfe,

    I discovered your blog through the "Domestically Divine Link-Up."

    Your story about love and dating, thus far, is an engaging one that I am thoroughly enjoying. I smiled while I nodded my head when you were describing the various types of dates that you encountered. :)

    At any rate, I am looking forward to part 2 of your story.

    -Lady Rose

  6. I just had a conversation with my own (Christian)mother on this very topic this morning. I told her that I had already taught my daughters that we would have them wait till college until dating..she laughed in my face and called me ridiculous. Thank you for posting this. I needed this encouragment today. =)

  7. Thanks for your sweet comments. It's fun remembering back.
    As moms we have to do what we see is right; God gives wisdom when we ask. I feel like I constantly need to ask for it. Things have changed so much; things that were cute and innocent 50 years ago aren't always so now. Our children are worth our prayers and protection. :)

  8. Thanks for linking up for Simply Homemaking. Enjoyed reading several posts...I'm defiantly hooked! ;0) Blessings.
    Our Simple Country Life


I love your comments!