"If I Knew I Could, I Would..."

Gypsy Mama's Prompt:

 "If I knew I could, I would."

If I could go back to that day...

13 years ago
to see your face as we pulled into
the parking lot of the hardware store.


"Why are we stopping here?"  I asked.

"Because I need to," you answered.

"Oh, Okay."

You were acting strange and I didn't know why.

  I felt a slight fear.  What did this mean?

  I wondered if something was wrong. 

What was going on?

And then you pulled out a little box.

  You opened it. 

And there it was: 

the most amazing ring I'd ever seen in my life.

"So will you do it?

Will you marry me?"
you asked.


I couldn't believe it was true.

This was why you stopped in the parking lot?
This amazing moment with this amazing ring.
Could this really be true?

"Are you kidding me?" I asked.

Then you looked at me in unbelief
and a slight look of agitation.
So, of course,
I gave you the answer
that we both knew was meant to be.

Then you drove me back to your parents home to show them.

 Shortly thereafter, you took me for a walk...

 

  up to the farm field behind their house: 

a field brilliant with mustard flower, 

 a simple weed 

that seemed to shout the feelings of my heart.

 

Now every spring, I see the fields, and I remember.

  And if I knew I could go back to that moment, I would;

because...

I do.




Linking up to join:

The Nanny Story: Trouble with Dating.

(To read Part 1, click <HERE>)

(Part 2)

To my daughter Violet,

Your father wrote to me after that first Sunday that I saw him at the new church Aunt Tammy was attending.  He wrote and asked me out on a date; but I think I need to explain something to you.  Something that made my mindset the way it was at this point.

"The Trouble with Dating."

There's just two words for first dates and the current idea of dating:

it stinks.

Going on a date with somebody you don't know is rather like entering a movie theater without knowing what it is playing:

1) It could be funny; perhaps annoying, but funny, nonetheless.

2) It could be a horrible horror flick.

 

3) It could bore you to tears.

4) It could be a sweet tale.
 

I seemed to experience mostly #1 - #3, although they could also be a mixture of any combination of those.  There were a few #4.  But first impressions aren't always what they appear to be.

I was careful who I dated: only seeing men who claimed to be Christian and usually I met them at college or at church.  But even still, it's awkward, strange, unnatural.  

  I grew up at a camp where a core group of us that worked nearly every weekend all hung around together; thankfully, none of us were into "dating".  We were all friends.  It was the best way for a teenager to grow up and I feel like I had the best life one could have.  Who your friends are during the teenage years is incredibly important; I feel like I had the best.
  I waited until college to begin dating, as my parents had suggested; I'd be entering the point in life where one begins to look for a spouse, so it seemed logical to wait until then.

At and after college, I did go on dates.

It was the most nerve-wracking time of my life.

Examples: 

(I am omitting names, of course, to protect the innocent).

1. Mr. Counsel-Me Man:

  I met a guy who wanted to date me.  He expounded to me all about his emotional issues and battles with depressive acting out.  I realize that people face issues and overcome problems, especially with God's help, but I have to admit that it scared me, just a little.  It was too much for me to handle.

2. Mr. Incredible (incredibly handsome, incredibly conceited)
(I seemed to go on first dates with a number of this type):

 

 One of these individuals arrived at my house with a bouquet of flowers which were promptly put into a vase.  As we headed out to supper, he opened the car door for me with his nervous giggle.  Upon entering his side of the car and turning the key to start the car, he looked over at me and said, "Well, I sure know how to impress your parents, now don't I?"  I furrowed my eyebrows as I looked out my window and wondered how I would endure this night. The date progressed in similar manner: over our dinner, he droned on about how wonderful he was, all of his marvelous escapades with never a question or interest in me, and I put on fake smiles while I mentally begged the waiter to bring us our bill.  The night seemed eternal.  When we got back to my house, my mother was sitting at the card table working on a puzzle and my father proceeded to enter into extended discourse with the lad.  I escaped to the puzzle table, only to be followed by my foe, and then was startled to hear him mention another future date with me.  I wanted to crawl under the table.

3. Mr. Different Beliefs:

 

 I went out with a fellow who was a very sweet guy, but his beliefs, although Christian, were far different than mine.  I felt trapped in a desire to pursue a relationship but knew that those differences were too much to over-look.  What would we teach our children?  I knew that I could not move over to his beliefs, and it was obvious that he was too committed to his own.

4. Mr. Living-in-Fairyland:

 I saw another chap for a while, but when questioned about his future, he'd ramble on about going mountain climbing, skiing on mountains in Europe, and adventuring to unknown places in a hot air balloon.  He'd travel the world and write about it.  It was a fun thought, but I just couldn't find the love I needed for a man I didn't feel was being realistic. Granted, there are women who are great for this type of man, but I knew myself and that I needed stability.


Yes, dating isn't what it's all cracked up to be.  

So this was my mindset when my Farmer asked me out on a date.  I was tired of the "first date out alone" thing. 

What was I too do?

My sister, knowing my state of mind and being a wonderful match-making help, agreed to invite us both over for our first date.


I was sitting in the living room with my sister playing a game of checkers to pass the time when I heard him at the door.  He stepped inside.  I heard his voice say, "Hello," and our eyes met for the first time.

I was nervous and it was a hot day in early September.  I remember worrying that my face was too red.  (I always turn red when I get embarrassed.)  There was a game of checkers, and then supper, and then a walk around the park.  We talked some.  It was casual.  He asked if I was going to work for his sister, and I said I thought I would.  He seemed glad.  He was not loud or annoying.  He was sweet and kind.
  Then it looked like a storm was coming up, so we walked back to the house.  He had to go.  I knew I wouldn't see him for a while because we had a two week vacation up north coming up.  I wondered what he thought.  But I didn't know.  His eyes smiled at me, and mine at him, but I just didn't know.
 

Everyone said it was so right for us.  We were great for each other.  But it was early.  And I didn't know what to think or feel.  I wondered if he felt the same way.  I would have to wait and see.

(To be continued)

(Some of these pictures are Disney pictures taken from a fun book of theirs called The Human Body.  My kids love it and it is very educational. It has a skeletal/muscle body on the front with light-up buttons to make it interactive.  Great book!)

Linked up with: Above Rubies: Domestically-Divine-Homemaking-link-up
We are that Family: Works for me Wednesday
Our Simple Country Life: Simply-homemaking-link-up

and

The Nanny Who Stole His Heart

To my daughter Violet,

I would like to tell you a story.  Sometimes, when you live on your side of things, you don't get to see your parents side.  I know you are the curious type, so I thought I would let you see a bit of my side of things.  Someday, you will head into life and love.  I did.  I want you to have this story.

Once upon a time there was a dark-haired girl with freckles and a nose that turned up on the end

(just a little).

  A child in her heart was she.

  But she grew up and began the task of finding a man suitable to be her prince.

  Doesn't every young girl want a prince?

The dark-haired girl had gone through a time where she was rather like the ugly duckling:

homely and awkward,

but now she'd grown up and felt a change of being a little more pleasant to the eye,

albeit still having the freckles and slightly turned up nose.

She now faced a number of curious men who handed her their qualifications and personal achievements.

She stumbled in perspective with some of these,

traipsing away to walk with them down Disappointment Avenue,

giving pieces of her heart to ones who were not right for her.

  She came back from these trips rather blue and forlorn. 

  It seemed to her that Lover's Lane must only be a road that others were able to find.

Most of her friends had easily found their puzzle-piece perfect princes;

but her heart seemed to only find pain,

uncomfortable first dates,

badly timed or misunderstood situations.

And so,

after one extremely painful and confusing endeavor,

she declared that love in that arena must not be meant for her.

And she truly meant it.

She would seek happiness just as she was

and that

would

be

that.

Her sister, a fond proponent of

trying to help her find the right one,

laughed at her decision,

and declared,

"We go to a new church tomorrow

and you will likely meet your Prince Charming there."

So the dark-haired girl with freckles and a slightly turned up nose

walked through the doors of the church,
in a simple Sunday dress

and her square-heeled white shoes she'd worn a few months before in yet another friend's wedding.

There were many men there, of course,

but

she couldn't help noticing one younger man,

a fine man,

incredibly good-looking,

light-haired,

clean-shaven,

nice build,

kind eyes.

"He's too good-looking.

He's definitely engaged,

or already married
and not wearing his ring,
 

or

he's weird."

(Yes, those seemed to be the results of her life at present.)

Her sister somehow bumped into his mother.

Somehow.

And her sister hurriedly whispered into her

ringing ears:

"No,

He's not engaged or married.

And,

he wants to have a farm."

She had to stifle a laugh.

How ridiculous that a man could possess all this and not be married.

What was wrong with him?

(Then she realized that perhaps people wondered the same of her.)

This seemed too right,

too good for someone she hadn't even spoken with.

Their eyes had not even met

and his mother and her sister already had them in discussion.

Who does this happen to?

Is this really real?

Her face felt hot and flushed.

Where was the nearest door?

And yet, the intrigue made her eyes watch him.

He stood in the back,

casually talking with any who came through the door.

His smile was amazing,

although he seemed just a little shy,

at least when her eyes tried to meet his.

She watched as after the service,

he hurried out the back door,

not to his car,

or to hide,

but to the nursery where his sister's baby triplets were being handed out the nursery window.

He was in their midst,

a baby in his arms,

a crying baby,

and he held it

and made it stop.

A single man,

good-looking,

kind,

smiling,
in the same church as she,

soothing a crying baby:

she almost laughed at the absurdity of it.

But what now?

Where to go from here?

This was all unbelievably good to watch:

heart-warming,

heart-stirring.

But now what?

And then his mother told her sister that his sister needed a part-time nanny for these triplets.

And his parents lived in the house on the same property...

and so did he.

Would she be interested in a nanny job?

Yes, this is my story.

This talking in third person is getting me a little confused.

My sister told me I could come spend the night and visit with her every week,

and his sister volunteered my staying at her place the other night.

I'm not one for adventure.

I'm not one for risking a job for the possibility of love,

I was tired of pain,

tired of feeling like I had to always wonder what was going on in "relationships",

but this seemed too much to pass up.

If I quit on love,

I would be a quitter.

I couldn't, wouldn't be a quitter if the opportunity arose.

And it had.

If it didn't work out,

I was still interested in the job.

I had been looking for something new.

I sat at home thinking and praying about the answer I would give to his sister about the job.

But before I could make up my mind,

I received a letter.

It was from him.

And he wanted to take me out on a date.

(To be continued - CLICK HERE to go to part 2)

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